National Blog Publishing Month? Wait a sec, I’ll check. Oh, Posting Month. That makes sense.
So I’m going to give this a go. Show up, day after day. Let’s see.

1. It’s late. When I clicked new post it was 12.34 o’clock, a favourite of mine. You can tell I’m not at home as I’m rarely up at this time there. I’m staying at my parents house.

2. Today I went to dinner with some school friends. It was lovely. I walked a friend back to hers and was invited in for jasmine tea.

3. I’ve given up cereal for a little while. Last week, while I was busy, I ate lots of bowls of it. It’s only Cheerios (and fruit & fibre) but it was the craving part I came to hate. I was thinking of it between meals, after meals, during meals. And we’ve always had Cheerios around, and I never really had them much before. So I said stop. It’s worked already; now it’s not an option, I have only thought of them once.

4. I have an appointment tomorrow with a hair loss specialist. They’ll take a full history, look at previous blood test results and perhaps take a biopsy from my scalp (!). I’m a little nervous- mainly at the thought of not finding any answers. Of being that person, on the endless quest for a diagnosis. Trying this and testing for that. We’ll see- it could be something simple.

5. I had been craving char sui bao for a while (and dim sum in general) so I found a place recommended online (it specifically said popular with local Chinese community – a good sign) and put it on my calendar for today, since it’s near the train station. When I got there I looked at the price on the menu outside, counted my coins then went in and ordered it, and a tap water. When I’d finished, I left my £3, with 40p tip and left. It was a little strange but perfect. They had given me more than a delicious meal- they had hit the spot, and been completely non-judgemental (I didn’t have any more money, and there was a £12 minimum card payment!). It’s called Ho’s, on Vicar Lane, Leeds. I’ll be back, with Boyfriend, and next time we’ll order a full meal and a half.
Oh! Whilst there I saw a boy meeting his girlfriends parents for the first time. He was wearing a tie, looked completely baffled and was being studiously ignored by the father and peered at by the mother. Poor thing.

Till tomorrow (or really, later today).


To Try

I usually think of my life as a series of intermingled roles. So when I think of things I want to achieve in my life it is roughly this list; a mother, a partner/wife, a nurse or worker, a family member, a friend, a part of society. I want to feel that I am, on the whole, good at each role. Most of these things won’t have quite come into fruition by the end of 2013, so instead, here a few things I want to achieve this year. Most of them are linked to starting nursing school in September.

Make friends. I need to remember that friends serve different roles in your life, you have a different language with each one, and different topics. But that you do need to have things to talk about when you do talk. And that they support you and make you feel good. My sister said that one thing about having friends is being able to see yourself reflected back in someone else’s eyes.

I want to take up trampolining again. I say again, but I only did it once a week for less than a year when I was 15. But I loved it. It’s like flying, gymnastics and ballet all in one bouncy package.

Focus on my relationships with my siblings. This is a work in progress, but I want to try to feel better about myself when around them. In all parts of my life I have an interesting reaction to ‘feeling stupid’. If I didn’t realise something in time, or I didn’t know something ‘obvious’ then I can sometimes have an overly upset reaction that I have to suppress. I think this stems from my family relationships- I am the third out of four children, and used to feel as if all three siblings were ‘more intelligent’ than me. I don’t feel this any more but I am sensitive to the fact that we all have different areas of expertise- in particular one sister’s academic interest in art.  When I see something she has written, I find it hard that I do not and cannot understand something that is so important to her because the language and theories are beyond me. In a simpler way, I am uncomfortable that my younger brother wants to do all sciences at A Level, and maths at university. I just want to understand everything they are interested in, so they don’t have to ‘dumb things down’ for me but rationally I know that it’s not possible or necessary! So yes, needs some work.

Stay creative. Keep papercutting, reading, posting, baking, drawing, designing, making lists, and cooking from scratch.

Keep up with my academic work; Stay ahead. Be better as boyfriend would say. Get the most out of it, so I can feel proud. Means I need to keep organised and on top of schedule.

Work on kindness, calmness, appreciation and effort. I can always improve!