So, a little while ago Boyfriend decided he really was going to buy a fish tank instead of just daydreaming about it.
- He buys one on Amazon- without even asking or telling me. This is foolish- things go wrong if I am not consulted. Sure enough, it turns out the one he bought was about as big as our sofa.
- The next day we go to the fish shop quite far away, voted best in the world blah blah. It is very hot and steamy in there. We look at fish, and tanks, and consult the (balding, middle aged) gurus. We decide to cancel the tank and buy one from them instead as you get money off later purchases.
- Later that day, while I am at work, Boyfriend brings home the tank, fills it with the special water and sand and switches the heater and lamp on. I reject the way it is now the centre-point of the room and all my careful decoration is literally overshadowed by its 100 watt light. Then I get used to it.
- Some days later, he buys some ‘alive’ rock and puts it in the tank. He begins to notice that the tank is too noisy, and starts to get worried any future creatures will get tinnitus or something. He fiddles with the pump and filter until it is quieter.
- He wants to raise the pH of the tank to make it optimum conditions for his precious pets and so he makes me order some on amazon. When it arrives it is the wrong one. We exchange it for the right one.
- The next visit, we are both hoping to return with some actual FISH but no luck. We instead return with a ‘clean up crew’- 3 hermit crabs and a blood shrimp, and another chunk of ugly rock. Luckily no slimy snails. Oh, and a ‘wrecked’ plane. He cut the wings off it with a saw, because as I said, it didn’t actually fit in the tank.
- He orders some coral. When they arrive one of them is dead, and the other one is very ugly.
- The hermits start fighting, and their spare shells haven’t arrived.
- Boyfriend puts banana in the tank, which floats. He puts a chunk of chicken in the tank from his pizza, which starts to decay and isn’t eaten.
- While fishing (ha!) the bits out one day he puts the glass lid on the carpet floor. He leaves it there. Later on, I was bending my head to look at the shrimp that hides behind the rocks and I step backward onto the lid. It cracks. I am dispatched to get glass glue. We mend it, but one day we wake up to find the two halves balanced on the rocks. So now we just use one half.
- It’s been a month since the initial purchase. Still no fish. But a lot of money has been spent.