To Try

I usually think of my life as a series of intermingled roles. So when I think of things I want to achieve in my life it is roughly this list; a mother, a partner/wife, a nurse or worker, a family member, a friend, a part of society. I want to feel that I am, on the whole, good at each role. Most of these things won’t have quite come into fruition by the end of 2013, so instead, here a few things I want to achieve this year. Most of them are linked to starting nursing school in September.

Make friends. I need to remember that friends serve different roles in your life, you have a different language with each one, and different topics. But that you do need to have things to talk about when you do talk. And that they support you and make you feel good. My sister said that one thing about having friends is being able to see yourself reflected back in someone else’s eyes.

I want to take up trampolining again. I say again, but I only did it once a week for less than a year when I was 15. But I loved it. It’s like flying, gymnastics and ballet all in one bouncy package.

Focus on my relationships with my siblings. This is a work in progress, but I want to try to feel better about myself when around them. In all parts of my life I have an interesting reaction to ‘feeling stupid’. If I didn’t realise something in time, or I didn’t know something ‘obvious’ then I can sometimes have an overly upset reaction that I have to suppress. I think this stems from my family relationships- I am the third out of four children, and used to feel as if all three siblings were ‘more intelligent’ than me. I don’t feel this any more but I am sensitive to the fact that we all have different areas of expertise- in particular one sister’s academic interest in art.  When I see something she has written, I find it hard that I do not and cannot understand something that is so important to her because the language and theories are beyond me. In a simpler way, I am uncomfortable that my younger brother wants to do all sciences at A Level, and maths at university. I just want to understand everything they are interested in, so they don’t have to ‘dumb things down’ for me but rationally I know that it’s not possible or necessary! So yes, needs some work.

Stay creative. Keep papercutting, reading, posting, baking, drawing, designing, making lists, and cooking from scratch.

Keep up with my academic work; Stay ahead. Be better as boyfriend would say. Get the most out of it, so I can feel proud. Means I need to keep organised and on top of schedule.

Work on kindness, calmness, appreciation and effort. I can always improve!

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